Perceptions

I worry about the perception people have of me.  Not to an extreme or anything, but I do get anxiety sometimes wondering if I'm being judged, made fun of or criticized.  It's stupid I know and I'm not sure where this notion of wondering what other people are thinking about me comes from, but it happens.  I know I am not alone in this struggle of caring about what people think, which is why I am writing this blog.

These feelings of insecurity really got me wondering where they come from. The self doubt, the caring of what people think about me and why it bothers me so much...  I guess life experiences must have lead to these feelings.  I remember feeling like I never fit in throughout my school years until I got to University.  I was always very outgoing and unapologetically myself; however, my genuine personality wasn't always accepted so well.  I experienced a lot of judgement and some bullying as well.  One instance in particular that I will never forget is when a friend of mine told me that some of the other kids told her not to be friends with me because I was "weird".   Whatever weird meant.  All of these experiences shaped who I am today.  A part of me feels remorse over the fact that I lost my crazy, outgoing personality and have become more of an introvert; but, another part of me is grateful because these experiences have given me the insight, knowledge and drive to become the the most empathetic and kind version of myself that I can become.    

Deciding to write a blog and coming out with a public Instagram, Facebook and Twitter has been scary for me.  There is a vulnerability in the way that I am putting myself, my life experiences, feelings and emotions out there for the world to see.  I know there will be people who may not agree with what I am doing.  They may feel that personal thoughts and experiences should be kept private and I am "airing my dirty laundry", but I don't see it this way at all.  I choose certain topics because I know there has to be others out there struggling in similar situations, and my hope is that by sharing my stories it will help my readers feel less alone in their own struggles. 

So yes, even though I have my insecurities around people judging me for writing about my personal experiences publicly... I have to remind myself that I am doing this for me and for the people who will benefit from reading my blog.  If people want to judge me or criticize me then that's their prerogative, and I have to accept it while not letting it affect me in a negative way.  There is always going to be a Negative Nelly out there who has to have their input on the way I am living my life and portraying my self image - they are never going away... so I have to learn how to tune those people out and not let it affect my mental health, as well as my happiness.

I feel as though it is my purpose in life to share my personal experiences and stories, not just for myself but to help other people.  With this blog, I am able to combine my passion for writing, as well as helping people.  Regardless of what some people may think, I am doing something that brings me joy and this is the only thing that truly matters.  When I think of it this way, all of the judgments and criticisms fall by the wayside.  This is not to say that I won't ever have self doubt or insecurity, but this will always be good reminder that what I am doing has meaning which is the most important of all.  

Do you relate to any of this at all? What do you do to NOT care about what people think?  How do you tune out those Negative Nelly's? 

Please comment and get in on this discussion!

-Squamish, BC-