Rediscovering My Identity

I've been on a hiatus and didn't realize that it has been a whole year since I posted a blog... WHOOPS!  To be completely honest, I haven't been able to come up with any notable experiences to write about; also, I think it's fair to say that the COVID-19 pandemic really messed things up.  With that said, let's DIVE right into it, shall we...

Three years ago I started living with my boyfriend, Michael.  Moving in with Michael was an incredible and critical step in moving forward in our relationship, but it also proved to be challenging at times.  This life change of becoming accustomed to living with one another took a lot of time and energy, which I'm sure you can imagine, left me feeling exhausted.  With any relationship comes compromise and I was still figuring out the balance between compromise and taking care of my own needs at the same time.  It was difficult navigating all of the small things from house chores, cooking and grocery shopping to the big things like how to split or combine our financial needs and wants.  All of these things had the ability to make or break our relationship; and I had become so entrenched in trying to build an unbreakable bond with Michael that I forgot to take care of myself.  My desperate need to try and keep the relationship perfect ended up in exhaustion levels being at an all time low, which then it turn fucked up my mental health even more than it already was.  My behaviors were indicative of the fact that I had lost all motivation and was far from living a content and fulfilling life.  I stopped living the active lifestyle I once did, and my drive and passion for strength training fell to the wayside.  I had no idea where to start or how to even begin learning to find and love myself again.  

My anxiety grew, my obsessive tendencies grew and then the depression slowly seeped in.  I think in the process of trying to make our relationship thrive, I began to lose myself in the process. The thing with relationships is that, it is so easy to get completely immersed in one another's lives that it can cause you to almost forget who you were before you were in the relationship.  This was the case for me anyways; and it took me a year or two to realize that I had to learn how to be me as an individual while being me in my relationship with Michael.  Discovering oneself within a relationship isn't an easy task and it's not one that is ever completely fulfilled to be honest, but it's so important to the success of a relationship.  

With that said, it was only in the last year that I realized what actions I needed to take in order to improve my health and well-being.  I came to terms with the fact that I needed to start focusing on myself in order for my relationship with Michael to be successful.  I shifted my intentions from solely trying to make our relationship work to paying attention to my own needs and wants. Even though I wanted to heal and come to a place where I honored my needs and I wants, I had no idea how I was going to make it happen.    

Fast forward to my birthday in 2020, I was left speechless when I received Michael's gift to me.  To some, this gift might be the worst thing you could ever get from your partner, but for me - it was the best gift I could ever receive.  OK, are you all ready for it haha... he gifted me nutrition coaching with a Personal Trainer for 20 weeks.  It's not your "ideal" gift, but to me it showed how in tune he is with my desires and what brings me enjoyment in life.  It also showed me that he truly listened when I explained what I needed in order to build a stronger and more confident relationship with myself.  

One thing I cherish immensely about my relationship with Michael is that we support each other even in the worst of times and find a way to persevere through it.  Throughout the years, Michael and I have had several conversations about who we want to be as people, as a couple, and what we need from each other as a couple in addition to as individuals, in order to thrive.  This communication is what led me down a path that ended up changing my life for the better.

I will be talking more about my health and wellness journey and how much it has impacted my life in coming blogs, but for now I will leave this blog by emphasizing my deep appreciation for my amazingly kind and caring boyfriend!  I couldn't ask for a better partner to do life with and, as cheesy as this fricken sounds, I  thank my lucky stars every day that he was brought into my life.  

On that note, I can't wait to share how transformative the last seven to eight months have been for me.  I hope by sharing my story it will inspire those who might also be struggling to find themselves and their sense of purpose.  

Stay tuned... ! xoxo