Body Dysmorphia

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So, I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphia guys.  I mean, I haven't actually been diagnosed with it... but I am sure I am on some type of sliding scale of it.  I googled the definition and this what it says: 

"Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable. But you may feel so ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations."

There are parts of my body that I feel ashamed about or that I am overly critical of.  My stomach/abs are my main insecurity and then my arms.  Whenever I take photos of myself or am having my photo taken, I try my best to make these parts of my body look as slim as possible.  If either of these body parts stick out or feel "big" to me, I automatically dislike the photo and will click DELETE, right away. 

I know I post a lot of selfies and videos of myself working out, and it may seem like I am confident about my body but LET ME TELL YOU, lol! Yes, some days I might feel more confident than others... but a lot of the time I don't.  To be honest, as embarrassing as this is, I try my hardest to make myself look as slim as possible in all of my selfies and videos.  Most of the time, I spend 10 minutes taking several photos until I feel like I look "fit/skinny" enough.  Once I get the right angle that makes me look good, that is when I feel somewhat better about my body.  These images, to me, are a reassurance that I look "good enough".  On top of that, pretty much every time I go to the bathroom I do an "ab check" to see if I look any skinnier than the last time I went.  If this isn't some type of body dysmorphia, then I don't know what is.

I get angry for doing this to myself and feeling this way.  Life is to short to worry about these types of things! I am working on reminding myself that I am healthy and that is what what matters the most.  I am also working on loving my body the way it is, because our body's change throughout our life and if I don't love it every stage then I know will never be truly happy.   

Loving myself and the way I look is a part of my healing process.  I want peace of mind from my body all the way to my soul.  I want to enjoy life without worrying whether I look "good enough."  I want to be healthy and embrace my body at every stage in life.  I know this is going to take a lot of patience and practice, but this is the most important thing to me right now.  I will continue to remind myself that I am good enough, that my body is my temple and that I love it.. and I will also continue to work with my psychologist to navigate these negative thought processes that I have within myself. 

I have shared a lot of my deep insecurities in this post because I know I am not alone in this struggle.  I know many people who wish they could be slimmer, fitter, etc... it is a struggle that a lot of us are working to overcome.  I would love for you to share your experiences with any body image issues that you may have or have had.  What did you or do you do to overcome these and love yourself completely and fully? 

-Predator Ridge, Kelowna BC-

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